The Vox Veritas Gazette early edition
Volume 20 8-17
Investigative Journalists Isaac P Frealy and Seymour Butts cover Burbank and DC beat
Breaking News! New Covid Rectal Test showing excellent end results in early trials.
Called the “Planetary Vertical Uranus Rectal test for Worldwide Covid19 detection”, our Burbank reporter I. P. Frealy caught up with Dr Adam Schiffty, the Proctologist General of the House of Representatives and pubic health endocrinologist on the Covid Task Force. He was celebrating a birthday with six family members at the one bedroom Burbank condo they own on First Street.
VVG: Your team calls you by the affectionate nickname, Schittie; how should I address you for this interview?
Schittie: Thank you, IP, i prefer Dr Adam Schiff, Proctologist General and Pubic Health inspector.
VVG: OK. Dr Schiffty, last time i interviewed you, you were involved in looking for Russian stool impactions in the nefarious Trump administration. How is that going today?
Dr Schittie: “I continue to use my pocket Kidde Kolonoscope to detect any significant obstructions in Republicans and independents stemming from the recent silent coup. Regarding Covid19, we have made significant progress in immunizing a whole segment of the American population, the peaceful protesters in Portland, Seattle and Chicago. In fact, the more protesters maim, loot and burn the cities, the less incidence of viral spread is seen, mainly in Democrat strongholds ruled for decades.
I have a team of scientists looking into this; possibly a viral vaccine using protesters’ shed blood anti-bodies can solve our worldwide plague of Xi.
VVG: Fascinating how science has drawn that correlation of Gov Witless marching sans masks with burly BLM & Antifastan peaceful domestic terrorists. Tell my readers about this new revolutionary test.
Dr. Schittie: One of the major complaints from the controlled populace have been the giant Q-tips shoved up people’s sinus cavities and forehead, we have been looking to find a better less invasive protocol. Good news, Fauci Farmacuticles has developed a test probe in an area I have spent my political and medical life excelling: the excretory system. My mom still doesn’t understand why I love to look up anal orifices for obstructions, but the training is bearing fruit.
VVG: What do you call the new test, Dr Schittie?
Dr. Schittie: Planetary Vertical Uranus Rectal Viral Detection. #1, I P Frealy, that’s a mouthful. So, #2, we abbreviated it to the simple: “Up Uranus…the test for the end times we are in.
VVG: results good?
Dr Schittie: Yes, there have been some ripples, like finding enough test subjects open to the end test. But, In the end, the most effective method to detect the presence of the Plague of Xi truly is “Up Uranus.”
VVG: Why was test volunteers a problem?
Dr. Schittie: “Well, I.P., remember how we deep sixed that cheap, successful and lifesaving hydroxylchloroquine therapy?
VVG: We do
Dr Schittie: Well, we had scared so many people with HCQ stories, no one would join the randomized testing program for our new Covid detect. Thankfully, only thousands died as we ramped the Fauci Farm’s fave Remdesivir up. Of course, at $3100 per patient, it dwarfed the $20 for the HCQ Zinc & Azithro; what’s good for Big Farma is good for me errr America.
VVG: What’s next, doctor?
Dr Schittie: Well, using ABS 1 inch test tubing prototype had it’s own drawbacks. A bit large for most human excretory systems. But, scare tactics do work. We showed the volunteers pictures of HCQ users growing dorsal fins after the second 200 mg dose and they complied. All’s fair in love and the pill wars. The best news is our crack scientists had developed a home test the size of a Kidde Kolonoscope attachment. Mass production has begun where the most anal orifices per capita exist: in DC. Seymore Butts will report next month on progress.
VVG: Sounds most promising! Your crack scientists do it again, under your able guidance.
Dr Schittie: Thank you, IP Frealy; speaking of crack science, I gotta get back to my 650 sf abode; my secret pal, Eric CIAramella, my daughter’s Eric, Eve and Adam Jr. won’t leave much of the legalized scientific beta cocaine for me to evaluate.
Remember, Up Uranus, the test for the end times we face in these uncertain times. Available in stores soon. Or, order direct from Fauci Farmacuticles via Amazon Prime