The Vox Veritas Gazette: King Newsom the Red says “Humming is NOW allowed.”

Vox Veritas Gazette.   “The Voice of Truth” for the Latinam challenged…

Volume 20 Edition 7-11    Investigative journalists contributing include Justin Tyme, David Daleiden, Jr., Jennifer Horn and Susan Shelley Trump

In decade four of the SARS-Cov-2XX pandecade panicdemic,  the Bishops of California are meeting to discuss what to do about the soon to be named Emperor of Taxifornia.. Most Reverend Bishop Kevin Vann offered the Christ Cathedral; though electricity is intermittent or shut off with the abandonment of fossil fuels throughout Newsom’s kingdom, the 10,660 windows provide sunlight and window venting in early summer will help.  Meeting is scheduled for July 4th, 2048.

Bishop Tom the Constitution, Bishop Tim is bringing the State Constitution (specifically Article 1, section 3-4); for sourcing, his excellency Archbishop Jose Gomez is bringing the Treaty of Guadalupe Hildalgo; ironically, it will be the 200th anniversary of its proclamation at the Christ Cathedral meeting.  Unfortunately, Blessed Sacramento’s Bishop Jaime Soto has been arrested and may not make the required $2 million in state issued  Pelosi dollars bond.  Money remains tight over these decades long violation of religious rights violations by the Blessed Sacramento castle.

HRH King Newsom the Red… is pleased to announce that phase 661 has been reached in dealing with the California plague of Xi that began in October, 2019 in Wuhan, China .

Despite numerous violations by the less relevant Catholic Church in recent weeks, of the required song suppression protocols to protect the holy people of God, the elderly and of course, ” the children”, HRH Newsom believes it is time for his subjects to resume the next level of church worship:

HUMMING. Yes, Silence is Golden but humming is sublime in the Taxifornia’s state run religions. Baby steps to freedom

HRH Newsom opines that they have been silenced for decades now, and as this venerable newspaper points out from it’s archives, former Governor Newsom released 8000 hardened criminals for less in the 2020’s.  Dr Fauci notes that protesters (not mentioned in the Constitution: freedom to assemble is) have a special genetic immunity sans masks and physical distancing with Covid.

Not so much for NYCity style criminal sardine packing.  Compassionately, since Covid19 supposedly could have run rampant in the prisons and to protect other prisoners, HRH demanded a massive release of murderers, rapists, rioters, looters and of course arsonists was necessary.  The state is big enough for everyone and can weather wildfires well.  Except, back then one of those arsonists torched the San Gabriel mission because, as the LA Times puts it, oppression and Spanish colonialism.  Thankfully, the revisionist urinalist historians at the left leaning tower of yuck NYTimes did not realize the oldest church was in their backyard, St Catherine of Alexandria on an island 26 miles off the LA coast.  Missed statue topple opportunity!

Our investigative journalists caught up with His Royal Highess in his 30th year of reign at the Blessed Sacramento Castle.  He had just finished his morning royal court proceedings.  Former Catholic Court jester NOT our Savior Xavier Becerra had new guidelines to provide the willing populace.

VVG: “Your royal highness, it has been 28 years since the Taxifornia legislature, by a vote of 119-1, declared you governor-king for life.  What brought you to this kind decision to move from total silence in the Catholic and Christian churches during the Mass & services, to limited humming. And why humming?  Why not just outright singing with appropriate PPE & physical separation?”

HRHNewsom the Red: “Well, the religious freedom division of the Taxifornia Dept of Viral Compliance after their weekly meeting reported to me that, despite scattered evidence of public health endangering vocal worship of Jesus or God inside the state sponsored churches, the outrageous singing episodes have come almost completely to a halt!  The big exception, as usual is that reprobate county of Orange.  We are dealing with our local ordinary in Blessed Sacramento.  After all, equal justice under the law.”

VVG: “What was the catalyst, o great one, nephew of satan’s high priestess of The Church of Negro Harvesting & wholesale baby parts business (it’s “for the children”).  Did she, as the spiritual head of planned parenthood, appear to you in a dream?  Your “O great Queen Aunt Nancy Pelosi RIPWSI?”

Newsom: “WE took a play out of the Martha Stewart IRS playbook.  I believe it was the public arrest of Bishop Jaime Soto to show we in the Castle take public health very seriously. 

Yes, my subconscious saw an image that Stretched through the night. More like a nightmare.  All I remember is a multi-colored cloth, like that techno-colored dream coast Joseph had in OT, hanging around her neck.  I recall it was the West African slave master’s Kente cloth Auntie wore on bended knee during the BLM~Antifastan uprisings in her last days as speaker.”

VVG: “Sad to hear about Auntie’s sudden death this month, although she was 108 years along.  If we might ask, Bishop Soto is believed to be an amazing leader in the Church, well, what is left of it here in Taxifornia.  He has worked tirelessly to meet your demands for well, sometimes unscientific and spurious requirements on private citizens.  We investigative journalists realize you are king of the scam, your awesomeness one.

To this day, despite the massive cooldown of the Maunder and Dalton Minimum decreased solar heat in the 2020s and 2030s, the peons STILL believe the manmade climate change rubbish.  Only the ignorant can’t see the scam your kind perpetrated: ONE molecule of carbon dioxide per every 2500 air molecule can’t do squat to affect the temps.  I still love former president Michelle Obama’s hubby, FMOTUS Barack Barry Soetoro, scamming the world that Denali would be covered due to CO2.  21,000 feet.  What a rouse. While he stood on the Exit Ice Field in Alaska while HE was president.”

HRHNewsom: “It’s the science, stupid VVG.  Why do I let you in my throne room!!!

  One of our deputized plebe & surf VSS informants (Viral secret service or VSS) was walking past one of the few remaining churches in the Diocese of Orange, St. Norbert’s.  Just miles from our flagship coven at Tustin at 22 fwy, where VSS#666 works Mon thru Sat (sorry VVG: like Eric CIAmarella, her anonymity is important, as you know in the media and ObamaNation spy games)  

VSS666 heard a melody come from the nearly empty building, then shot a photo at just the right angle like our famous OC Beach VSS shoot forcing me to shut down Newport & Hungtington for the safety of the children. Her seminal work made 100 people look like thousands.  For her vigilant work, we promoted her to director of the VSS OC bureau.  As a rookie back in preCovid48 days in 2020, VSS#666 snitched on the music team at St Thomas More for having more than two music ministers at the 8am Mass early in this pandemic. Imagine, you don’t really need music people.  You don’t need priests in fact; but we believe in Religious Freedom as encased in the California and US Constitutions; we still honor these ancient documents in Taxifornia.  Just common sense regulations for “the safety of the children”.

VSS#666’s juvenile mistake was to NOT remain for the next Mass at Thomas More to catch a whole slew of singers at the 10am; she could have complained to the pastor and filed a report with our DVC.  And, we can’t depend on Antifastan to burn down the churches, like they did with the San Gabriel mission in the early stages of this crazy pandemic.  So, artificially restricting them is the best idea.

God knows, i am diverse though I hate Catholics and Orange Countians and Winery Competition.  In that order. 

The historical irony is, Thomas Moore had the audacity to tell one of my predecessors in England he was wrong in telling the truth to the 8th King Henry, that adultery with Anne was wrong.  You DON’T defy a King, even in a Federated Republic like ours.”

VVG: “your righteous royalness, since you lowered the max number acceptable (for the safety of the children of course) to 25 from 100 back in late 2020, we can see why St Norberts was empty; and Bishop Soto, who is the ordinary for the Blessed Sacramento CAthedral, with the Blessed Sacrament in the middle behind the Blessed SAcrament altar.  ON the Blessed Sacramento River of course…”

Newsom interrupts:  “Is there a question coming VVG? Or just another rambling monologue.”

VGG: Yes, my ‘lege.  Two: can you cite one royal edict from the past you just love.  2nd: What melody or song caused you to throw a royal tantrum, O Petty Tyrant of the People?”

Newsom: “watch your mouth.  I already expelled “Just the News” John Solomon and Sarah Carter for asking non prescreened questions. 

Hmm…I am particularly fond of shutting down the Church completely on July 13, 2020. 

I had just shut down singing and to my surprise many of the Churches complied. So this emboldened me to use the confusing and unscientific data as an excuse to shut them down yet again.

VVG: What about planned parenthood.  Did you shut them down as well?

King Newsom: Oh you mean my Queen Aunt Pelosi’s favorite church of satan (May she Rest In Peace Wherever She Is)?  Of course not.  Not once during the Covid19 thru Covid48 have we interrupted their elective surgeries schedule.  Parts demand for black hearts and livers never subsided, despite the occasional ambulance showing up.  I am proud it is the ONLY church we kept open for services, servicing the loaded wombs of so many minorities that yielded excellent specimens (and speciwomen) for our med lab buyers worldwide.

In case you don’t know Catholic lore, that July 13th was the date in 1917 where the Catholic sheep believe Mary appeared to three kids in Fatima, Portugal.  What fools!  Mary doesn’t get frequent flyer miles appearing all over the world.  Total superstition. Back then, the bishops of California believed the words this figment of their imagination said:  “The children then looked up at Our Lady, wo said to them so kindly and so sadly:

“You have seen hell where the souls of poor sinners go.  To save them, God wishes to establish in the world devotion to my Immaculate Heart…” 

 I’ve never liked Catholics; but if they want hell, I can deliver it with or without a mask. Ask Bishop Soto…”

By the way, the song I despised was an ancient one with the title of “How Can I Keep From Singing?”.  We were told by our perpetual church-state negotiating team that earlier in his ministry, Bishop Soto favored this particular song, a serious threat against the state and the crown.”

VVG: “With all due respect, O gracious keeper of the Taxifornia Treasury and Billion Dollar storehouse of defective Chinese masks, how can a song hurt you…err, we mean, the health of Taxifornia’s paupers and minions?”

Newsom: “Listen, Vox Veritas Gazette, the Church has acquiesced and allowed our oversight of such piddling matters as the length of worship, the number of participants, and the content of the worship, for decades now.  We can’t turn back the clock.  They like to suffer.  We like to make them suffer.  

In fact, we have restricted them eating that little round bread stuff my former Catholic Great Aunt loved to confiscate for her friends in the PP covens around the state.  Our Public Health Organic Wheat Regulation Dept. claimed unleavened bread has NO nutritional value so we banned it in the state.

VVG: “Isn’t that a bit of overreach.  Did the legislature go along?

Newsom:  What legislature?  Those feckless dweebs have no power over me. And we’ve tried to meet these religious bible bitter clingers half way: their current 15 minute masses with 25 people are still live streamed aren’t they?  Even when Bishop Soto said Mass back in the OC.  What’s the problem?

VVG: “But, isn’t 25 people a bit low for such large buildings?  Isn’t the former Crystal Cathedral now Christ Cathedral maxed over 2200 seats? That’s less than 2%.  Even 100 is about 4.5% of the 10660 glass paned beauty?

Expected site of the Taxifornia Bishops’ Conference on July 4, 2048

Newsom:  “Yes my church-state team realize that 25 people for the 2243 seat Christ Cathedral is a bit of overkill, emphasis is overkill, but its “for the children”. 

 Remember, public safety is #1 above all others.  Yes we know the private sector never recovered, with 87% of the businesses failing over these decades with our slow walk reopening-closing-reopening schemes.  After all, no government job or teachers’ union type jobs was ever lost.

WE have our priorities, VVG! As journalists you must know: the government, especially Taxifornia’s, fuels the survival of the states…not the plebes, surfs and peon private sector mouth breathers.  Not the pitiful deplorable people.  We NEED the unions ‘for the children’. 

Recall, years ago, Al Shanker of AFT mentioned his priorities in saying:  “When school children start paying union dues, that’s when I’ll start representing the interests of school children. … I don’t represent children.  And when the churches start paying my kingdom taxes, then we will talk.  Only satan’s PP church gets a free pass & $$ from the people’s coffers since Auntie Pelosi robbed the first Covid bailout for her beloved cult satanist surgeons.   May she rest in peace wherever she is.”

VVG:  A bit unfair?  Do you really do it to keep the children and elderly alive?

Newsom: “well, the children at least.  We adopted that famous March 25, 2020 royal NYC Cuomo decree to reduce the excess Social Security drainers by putting infected Covid carriers in with vulnerable elderly at NYC’s 593 nursing homes. Those 6500 Covid transferrees did wonders to kill off the useless eaters.   It worked well for Andrew and Comrade DumBlasio; influx of $39K per dead old lady from the Feds, 10% city death tax.  What’s NOT to love.  But anyways, look at our track record: 

Not one parishioner of Bishop Vann, Archbishop Gomez or now under house arrest Bishop Soto’s respective dioceses have caught Covid48 this year from live streamed worship. Of course, locking them out helps considerably.

Silencing the singing was necessary just in case the life streaming pseudo worship videographer, though 50 yards away, caught a stray droplet of Covid48 and die the next day. I know no one has died in decades but Dr Fauci’s avatar still speaks daily that “until the last case of Covid48 is discovered, we MUST stay shut down.  Except for those protesting peacefully with Molotovs, glass breakers and loot flash mobs, who have the immunity gene.  The vaccine WILL work this year.  Finally”

Yes, we realized no one is dying, from Covid at least, but the Catholic leadership doesn’t know that, nor does their sheared sheep.   VVG, do you want continued access to my castle?  They call me King Newsom the Red since we built a permanent video feed in the master bedroom of the Blessed SAcramento Castle and the RED signal LED is perpetually on.  The people love me and want to make me Emperor in 2050.”

VVG:  “Emperor, first we’ve heard.  Is this a scoop. Apologies, your most gracious King and Xavier of the people.  Speaking of Xavier, will your court jester Xavier the Deceiver Becerra be issuing the written All Humming, No Strumming guidelines?”

Newsom:  “Of course, Xavier has been my Igor, my vizier since he fabricated those fraud manmade climate change, gas tax repeal nonsense for the Prop 6 ballot so many years ago.  Talk about flummoxing the people! They still pay an exorbitant 66.6% gas sales tax rate, especially since the Gas Wars under Secretary of the Interior Alex Ocasio Cortes reign in the 2030s.

I have instructed him to draft herculean guidelines for the proper lip positioning, moisture level of the lips and dB levels of humming sounds.  NO kazoos WILL be accepted.  However our Chinese PPE partnership team, having procured successfully those 250 million masks from Wuhan so many years ago, is working on a humming device with built in safety measures.  Since he has zero grandkids thanks to my Auntie’s persistence, Xavier certainly has the time.

VVG: “are the specs out for multi sourcing, O Emperor in Training as the Constitution requires?”

EIT Newsom: “no, we are single sourcing the new King Newsom Hummer Tube.  A prototype will be available for the public and you nuisance reporters soon.

black humming pipeIt involves a 12′ section of 3″ ID black (BLM Inc. demanded we use ABS black pipe as our contract with them requires) drain pipe with a cloth mask attached at the other end.  No droplets will escape and even the biggest of mouths will be able to hum inside the mouth end.  The mask will do what all masks do: keep the sheep under control. Stop germ laden droplets.  I know it is a bit cumbersome, but if hymns and song are to return to Catholics in 2050, we must take baby steps.  By then, just maybe we can up the attendance to 75 on the way back to 100.  Works for me!

.  And, YES the Newsom HummerTube with versatile voice mask will be manufactured in WuHan by the same Chinese company I used for his pandemic masks back in 2020. The Department of Viral Compliance is doing ZOOM TikTok training as you read this. Gotta go get my fitting!”

VVG: “One last question, your amazingness future Emperor of Taxifornia.  What happened to Soto and of course, what fitting?”

Newsom: “It’s not easy being, what do the surfs call me, a petty tyrant? We locked him up in the dungeon in my Castle until he retracts his statements about “Where evil abounds, GRACE abounds more”… I am NOT evil and who the heck is Grace?

I am king and future Emperor.  I just wish my 108 yr old Aunt Nancy could have been here for my crowning; she died from excessive botox poisoning in the PP waiting room while napping after her latest treatment by Dr Mary Gatter and Jon Dunn CEO of Planned Parenthood Orange & San Berdo.

Now you see the wisdom?  Since we kept PParenthood baby milling operations open throughout the whole Covid shutdown thing, they have perfected killing the black kid, extracting the cells and tissue and directly treating the wealthy Demonrat patients on site.   But most important, Soto must also stop that infernal Song of his.  It drives me crazy when i hear “When tyrants tremble in their fear”.

VVG: “And the fitting?”

Newsom: “My buddy Xi sent over his best tailors from former independent city of Hong Kong to make the Emperor’s New Clothes.  Word has it they will be so shear they are almost invisible.  I am sooo excited to parade around in the world’s most expensive but chic fashion.”

VVG: “TY your emperorness.  We are sure you will look better than when you wore your first birthday suit”

Babylon Bee is great; the Onion stinks not so much.  Butthe Vox Veritas Gazette just tries to live up to the official standards of national parodic news reporting.

The song that caused the ruckus in the castle:


“How Can I Keep From Singing?”

 

singing restricted at stnorb

I AM the King! I love it when Jesus’ Church kowtows to my ever changing pronouncements. My fave mask so far is the Iron Mask of King Louis. Now THAT one served a royal purpose!      ~Emperor Newsom the Red

My life goes on in endless song
Above earth’s lamentation
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear its music ringing
It sounds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars
I hear the truth, it liveth
And though the darkness ’round me close
Songs in the night it giveth

No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I’m clinging
Since love is Lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?

When (petty) tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?
(hat tip to AZlyrics/Enya)

Full disclosure: the managing editor of the Vox Veritas Gazette had the privilege of providing a guitar and liturgical songs at St Peter’s in Rome and St Francis d’ Assisi for Bishop Soto during World Youth Day 2000.  A barely credible musician to fill in for the amazing Tony Melendez and Steve Agrisano.  
 

Sign the petition to release Bishop Soto from the Blessed Sacramento Castle NOW!  Update after the July 4, 2048 Bishops Conference.

 
And we love your comments and suggestions.  First question: “What is King Newsom’s first name?”  Gavin was taken,  so it is ReCall or ReCowl for his well coiffed hair cemented in sight while the Camera is On and the red indicator light is bright.

Len Beckman-managing editor   It IS a great day to be alive.  BKind   4Give  B4Given  Help1Some1-2day…or more if you can.  

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